"Deal"ing with reality

Downtime

2009-04-23T11:10:00.002-05:00

It has been some time since I posted here. Work got real busy, then real not busy.

The other night auditor I worked with (sort of, since we were never there at the same time) quit, forcing me to work extra hours to get the job done every day. In less than six months two General Managers and a Sales Manager left (not all voluntarily). A Conference Center Manager was promoted, only to become pregnant and recently take her maternity leave.

Plus a water line burst Christmas night forcing the hotel to shut down and all the guests to find other accommodations. Of course this did not mean the closure of the entire business, the conference rooms were untouched so events could still take place as long as nobody wanted to spend the night.

As a consideration a small number of rooms unaffected by the internal downpour were opened for a wedding reception that didn't have time to find new accommodations. The conference and housekeeping staff went through extra efforts to satisfy the happy couple and their families. Big mistake.

During the receptions many guests attempted to bring in alcohol they had purchased somewhere else (maybe the gas station around the corner). A couple of those that bought their drinks at the reception pass them on to kids barely old enough to drive, much less drink. All of these rule violations were handled and monitored by members of the management, much to the dismay of the father of the bride.

The pinnacle of the evening occurred after the ending of the reception at midnight. A couple of ladies (and I use the term very loosely) were on the verge of a fistfight over who would be responsible for the drunk passed out on the Men's room floor. Walking towards the group watching the argument I overheard the lovely bride start yelling at her friends that they needed to shut up because "...the hotel staff is yelling at me because of you guys..." I was the only staff member not hiding in the back office, and I hadn't said a word to anyone yet.

This led the father of the bride to corner the Conference Center Manager again and express his drunken displeasure at the treatment everyone had received. I don't think we will be doing any members of this newly expanded family any favors again any time soon.

Expensive Habit

2008-03-12T21:24:00.000-05:00

Nobody will deny that smoking is an expensive habit. It can be more so if you aren’t careful where you smoke. Especially if you happen to smoke in a hotel room that is non-smoking. Especially if you sign a registration form that states you will be paying a fee if you do smoke in the room. Especially if that particular fee is $100. Having that added to your hotel bill can be expensive indeed. Complaining about the additional fee afterwards is not likely to save you any money either.

I have taken many calls about the “extra charge” a former guest knows nothing about. Some people deny having smoked in the room. This despite the reek of tobacco (or other) smoke after they leave and less obvious signs like water cups full of cigarette butts or ashes on the window sill, toilet, or on one or more pieces of furniture. “But I didn’t smoke in my room, someone else must have.” How oblivious must one be to let someone into their room and miss the blaring evidence that is going to cost them.

The real interesting calls are the ones from people that deny knowing their room was non-smoking. Signs on the front door, front desk, room door, and desk in the room apparently aren’t enough to inform someone blinded by the clouds around their heads. The obvious thing then is to point out the line about not smoking in the rooms on the form the guest signed when they checked in. This is commonly followed by the guest stating they hadn’t read the form and me or another desk clerk stressing the importance of reading things before signing them.

All these discussions are a lot more interesting when it’s face to face instead of over the phone. Guests that pay cash are asked to leave a $100 deposit that is returned after the room is inspected. Keeping that deposit is not fun. Except when the guest becomes a total jerk about having smoked in the room. Then I usually need to resist the urge to smile as I keep the deposit and post new charges to their bill.

One guest tried every line. “I didn’t smoke in the room.” Despite being close to freezing outside the window had been open and an empty six pack box had been used as an ashtray and left sitting on the desk. “I didn’t know it was a non-smoking room.” He was at the right height so that his eyes were at the same level as the sign on the door. He had to move the non-smoking sign on his desk in order to set his beer there. “You didn’t tell me it was non-smoking.” Last time I checked it wasn’t part of my job to get out a bullhorn and neon sign while doing a little tap dance informing the guest that he shouldn’t smoke.

Happy New Year!!!!!

2008-01-04T03:05:00.000-06:00

We have all survived another rollover of the calendar without the Earth exploding. Take that Y2K (+7).

As with all monumental occasions there are some people that enjoy a little bubbly to commemorate the birth of another year. Then there are those who enjoy a little (way) too much bubbly.

I encountered one gentlemen who didn't have a clue when to say when. He was a a little drowsy when he entered the restroom near the bar/party central. There he proceeded to pass out while sitting on the toilet. A couple of hours later he was discovered by a co-worker when he needed to use the facilities.

The co-worker and I knocked on the drunk's stall door a number of times before getting a response. A less than desirable response. He proceeded to inform us of the contents of his last few drinks by displaying them on the floor. It made for a rather colorful pattern on the stone tiles.

After much talking (and poking and prodding to wake him) I managed to get some information out of our pickled guest. He told me his room number. It was something along the lines of 8675309. Not a number anything like the ones outside our rooms. So I pressed his few remaining brain cells for the name the room was registered to. "Jordan" was about all I could understand from his response. Unfortunately there was no "Jordan" registered to any of the rooms.

So I (less than) subtly followed him as he took a wrong turn down the hallway to the closed pool area and attempted to dial his cell phone and walk at the same time. This was too much for him. He flopped against a wall, found his phone again, and talked to someone at last. He finally managed to make his way to the correct room, I hope, and spent the rest of the night in alcohol inspired slumber.

I really hope the hangover he received keeps him a little more sober through the coming year.

EPILOUGE: It appears that the bed wasn't comfortable for my drunken friend. After I left around 4am he drifted into the stairwell at the end of the hall on the third floor, removed and neatly folded his clothes, and proceeded to fall asleep under the window.

He was discovered by the Sales Manager when she left her room in the morning.

Wanderlust

2007-11-25T03:34:00.000-06:00

There are some nights it doesn't pay to get outta bed. Especially when you are paying to spend more time outta bed than in it. One night I saw a great example of this.

Early in the evening a woman came down and asked for a spare iron since the one in her room wasn't working right. It seems she had a minor case of insomnia and wanted to get some chores done while everyone else slept.

A couple of hours later she came back down for a little chat. After we talked for a little bit I noticed she looked a little tired as she headed back to her room on the 2nd floor. Or at least in that general direction. A few minutes after she vanished up the stairs I got a call from a room at the opposite end of the hotel saying that someone was trying to get into their room and had woken them up. Upon investigating I saw the same woman I had just been talking to attempting to enter the wrong room and unable to figure out why her key wouldn't work. I kindly informed her that she was in the wrong place and escorted her to her room where her key worked just fine.

In the middle of my usual mountain of paperwork the front desk bell rings and I look up at the camera monitor to see whom I need to assist in the wee hours of the morning. It's my friendly lady again, needing change for the vending machine this time.

I give her the quarters, wait a few seconds, then follow her up the stairs to make sure she gets along OK. As I round the corner at the top of the stairs I see her trying to feed her coins in the slot.....the key slot of a doorknob. Doing my best not to guffaw in her face I politely point her to the vending machine, then back to her room (again) with her snacks. As she opens her door I gently suggest she lay down and try to get some sleep.

I didn't hear from her again the rest of my shift. The people that worked the next day told me she didn't remember our little adventures together.

Some nights I wonder if I work in a hotel or a madhouse. Then I wonder if there is a difference.

WOW!!!!!

2007-10-14T03:50:00.000-05:00

There are just some things no sane man should have to face. That's why I'm glad I lost my sanity a long time ago.

It was an unusually quiet night at the hotel and I was doing a simple security walk-around between mounds of paper work. During my check I noticed someone in the outside portion of the pool. Since lightining had been spotted earlier (10 mins ago by me) I notified the gentleman that the pool was closed. That and the fact the pool had been closed over 3 hours ago. The only way into the pool was to climb the fence. Or use a security key like I had. I entered the pool area to escort the gentleman out and noticed two other people had slipped into the spa in the corner.Even though the odds were 3 to 1 against me, I judged the blood-alchohol levels of the others gave me the advantage.

Until I saw that one of the people was a rather attractive young woman. Naked. Dripping wet. Naked. Bounding toward me. Naked. Asking me to let them swim a little bit longer. Naked. Her two male friends had shorts on, but apparently she decided to let it all hang out.

Kicking them out of the pool was one of the hardest things for me to do. Especially after she invited me to join her in the hot tub. Most especially after she hugged me. But the view of her from behind as she walked over to the towel rack was worth it. Almost.

Celebrities

2007-09-23T02:57:00.000-05:00

A group of music stars recently stayed at the hotel. For their sakes (and mine) I won't mention any names. Besides, I don't want the blonde or brunette getting jealous when if I were to say which one I thought was hotter. Like the opinion of a simple desk clerk would matter that much to them.

Some times it's fun to people watch late at night. Especially when the people you are watching aren't the every-day average Joe you meet on the street. It was a little surprising how similar their conversation was to the many I've had with my own group of friends from time to time. Despite the fact they enjoy many more things than I ever will, their stories had many things in common with ones I have heard or told myself.

No, I didn't ask for any autographs. I did apologetically admit to not watching the shows they were famous for being on. They didn't seem to mind me too much. I even managed to keep the drool down to a minimum.

Modern Goldilocks

2007-08-26T04:43:00.001-05:00

After a few months of downtime I found myself a new profession. I work the night audit shift of a local hotel. The late shift provides me with ample time to handle balancing the day's paperwork and doing a whole lot of nothing.

It also gives me a new perspective on people that casino work didn't. Like the number of people that can make real stupid mistakes without the aid of alchohol for one. But I won't talk about one of them today.

Today's post is about someone that knows how the 3 bears must have felt upon discovering the sleeping form of their home invader.

I was at the front desk when a guest came storming up and complained of "a chick in my bed when I got into my room." The reek of too much beer leading him by a good three feet. It looked like he wanted to leave and get his money back, but he never actually asked for it. Just requested "some compensation" for the invader's presence.

With nothing but questions in my head I quickly confirmed his name and room number, then went to see who or what had gotten into his room. I knocked on the door and it was opened by a 2nd gentleman that said he belonged in the room, so I told him of the person at the front desk complaing about the "chick in his bed."

We walked back to the front desk and asked the two gentlemen if they knew each other. They were rooming together. The "chick" was the 2nd guest's brother.

I'm sure the complainer would have felt more embarassed had his blood-alchohol level been lower. He did apologize, with almost as many 4 letter words as he used when angry, for his behavior.

Job Skills part 2

2007-01-15T11:08:00.000-06:00

The next job skill that dealers have is one that would come in handy in any retail job. It is the ability to handle and calculate money changes quickly.

Anyone able to quickly calculate the blackjack payoff for an odd amount like $17.50 ($27.25) should be more than able to figure the change for a $20 if the total bill is $16.86 ($3.14).

High-end retailers that handle much larger dollar amounts would find dealers capable as well. Large dollar amounts are nothing to someone who has handled large buy-ins consistently. Counting out large amounts of bills are a breeze after doing 5 straight $500 buy-ins of $20 bills ("because that's all the ATM machine gives out").

On the salesperson side, dealers are just as able. Dealers are constantly "selling" the game they are on. Allowing the impression that the players have a chance of winning despite the fact the game is designed to make the casino money. Whether it be extra software for a new PC, accessories for a new outfit, or extra supplies for a craft or home improvement project, it would take no effort at all to talk a retail customer into possibly pick up more than they had originally intended.

Job Skills part 1

2007-01-11T19:18:00.000-06:00

I've been working in the same job in the casino industry for over 7 years now. I'm starting to get a little burned out. It happens sometimes. It does mean that I'm pounding the pavement, in the search for another job.

Unfortunately it appears that most employers don't realize the kind of skills a capable table games dealer can bring. So this doesn't become too much of a whiny rant, I'll divide the list of skills into multiple postings.

The first skill I'll talk about would be ideal for any customer service company. That is being able to think on your feet when faced with irate customers. When you have 6-7 very intoxicated people losing vast amounts of money directly in front of you, you learn to think fast.

Or at least you learn the right comments to use. Most often the best way to head off an irate customer is to shock them. After losing 15 (or less) hands straight, the most common reaction is to slap the table and call the dealer a son-of-a-bitch. Without missing a beat I usually look the person directly in the eye and reply with, "Oh, you've met my mother then." No offense intended Mom.

This usually stuns the player enough that their rage passes before they know what to do next. By the time their alcohol laden minds sort things out, the next hand is dealt and they have forgotten about why they were pissed in the first place.

The only difference between doing this in a customer service call center and a casino is the fact you are on a phone, and the caller is usually a little bit more on the sober side.

Holidays? What Holidays?

2007-01-02T16:07:00.000-06:00

The holiday season is over now. Costumes can be put back in the closet. Turkeys can relax for another year. Holiday gift wrap and large candle holders can be slipped back into the attic. Cheap plastic champagne glasses and head wear now fills the trash cans all over the world.

Despite all this the life of casino employees rolls on like a feather-light roulette ball in a wheel spinning a little too fast. Employees are allowed to violate the dress code to a small degree with themed hats and (maybe) socks.

The most noticeable thing about the coming of the holidays (besides the change in music coming out of the PA system) is the increase in the number of players. Family members visit from out of town. People that wouldn't normally visit a casino get the urge to see all the flashing lights before the year is out. And don't forget all that free (and very cheap) champagne handed out for the brief pause in gaming to salute the arrival of Baby New Year.

Now all the decorations are gone. The fake poinsettias are stored away for 11 more months. A few stray balloons will float down from the ceiling in the next week or so. Any paperwork dated with '06 must be redone.

Other than that, not much changes in casino life as the holidays come and go.

Sensitivity

2006-12-07T15:32:00.000-06:00

It seems that more people are taking offense at the simplest of things these days. A gentleman (for lack of a better word) recently demonstrated his extreme sensitivity.

Mr. Sensitive was the only person playing on one side of the craps table. That's why it seemed so odd to the dealer on that side when a Pass Line bet appeared some distance away from him. Last time I checked Casper the Friendly Ghost didn't play much craps. The dealer reached near the bet to ask whom it belonged to. At this Mr. Sensitive started getting upset. Apparently he believed she had jinxed him with her gesture. This led to him becoming rather pissed off. He started calling the dealer names and using language I won't repeat in case kids are in the same building as the reader of this blog.

Mr Sensitive was promptly escorted from the building after being allowed to pick up his $5 and cash out.

However things didn't end there. Less than an hour later the phone in the pit rang. When he had arrived home Mr. Sensitive called the casino and started threatening anyone that would hold a phone to their ear. He even went so far as to call the casino racist because we threw someone of his skin color out. He even threatened to call his lawyer and sue the casino. I never did find out what exactly he was gonna get damages for, since he left with all his money.

If I wasn't so sure that Mr Sensitive already had enough toxins in his system to kill a small country I'd suggest he have a drink or two and relax.

My 3 things.

2006-11-26T14:47:00.000-06:00

I have been kicking around the Internet and reading some other blogs lately. One that I came across and really enjoy reading is called Three Beautiful Things.

With that in mind I thought I would honor (steal) the idea and do my own Three Beautiful Things.

Hearing the money drop. Since all dealers share their tips I get a little pleasure when a dealer on another table drops a considerable amount into their tip box and thinking it may have been worth actually showing up for work that day.

Doing it myself. It is particularly enjoyable when I drop an amount larger than the other dealers. Besides the obvious compliment from the player it also gives me some bragging rights in the break room. Plus the realization that it really was worth showing up for work.

End of the shift. The friendship and camaraderie at the end of the night as we discuss (complain about) the players of the day and I finally get to see the faces of the other dealers that have been behind my back all night.

Outta Sight, Outta Mind

2006-11-13T16:01:00.000-06:00

I've been on vacation for the last week. Haven't really done anything, but spent as little time thinking about casinos as possible. I go back to work on Thursday the 16th, so I should have a little more to post about after that.

Until then I'm just enjoying time with my family, beer whenever I want, and going to bed after 2am because I want to, not because someone else is keeping me up that late.

Machinations of Evil

2006-11-08T15:11:00.000-06:00

There has been a trend in casino table games for a number of years. It is the bane of dealers everywhere, even to those that don't realize how evil the device in question really is. It spawns laziness. It fosters misdirected hatred. It costs money that could otherwise be paid to hard working casino employees. It is the automatic shuffle machine that I refer to.

A set of these nasty devices were recently installed in the small casino I work for. There are a number of reasons I dislike shuffling machines. The main reason is they eliminate the largest opportunity for the dealer to catch their breath and socialize with the players. The time it takes to manually shuffle six decks of cards is also the best chance a player has of visiting the restroom before all the drinks they've had cause medical problems. By installing automatic shufflers the casino trades these moments for a few extra hands. Gaming is an entertainment industry, and shuffle machines limit the time dealers have to make sure their players are enjoying themselves.

In a large casino with high rollers, this might be a good thing. In smaller casinos, it's a pay raise that's not gonna happen.

Here is a breakdown of the approximate monthly expenses of automatic shufflers as I see them.

$800 for leases ($200 per machine, 4 machines)
$360 in extra cards ($0.50/deck, 6 extra decks/table, 4 tables)
$100 for other supplies (upholstery and carpet cleanser for when players miss the short break)
$225 a month in labor (3 dealers @ $5.00/hr, taking them an extra half hour a night to sort the extra cards)

That comes to $1485 a month in money that could be paid to us employees that are actually making the money for the casino. Let's see a machine make a player laugh after losing their entire checking account. How many machines know which players to greet with a joke, and which to greet with just a smile?

I'm sure management has their reasons. I just hope they are enough to justify the decrease in bonuses they are going to recieve due to the extra money spent on these nasty, cruel, and downright evil machines.

Did I mention I don't like automatic shufflers much?

Happy Halloween

2006-10-29T15:32:00.000-06:00

I'm gonna step outside the confines of the casino for a little bit. I just want to say something about holidays with the season looming over us.

A growing number of people are foregoing the holidays because they "are just for the kids." While this may be true to one degree or another, that doesn't mean adults can't get joy out of them as well. Feel free to dress up however you want. This is the one time of the year where no costume would be thought of as out of place. Inappropriate and revealing maybe, but not out of place.

Carve yourself a jack-o-lantern. Use a pattern to get a fancy result without much real effort.

You will get many compliments on your "talent."

No matter what anyone else tells you, you're never too old to Trick-or-Treat. With the right costume nobody will know who the overly tall kid was knocking on doors asking for candy. Who knows, you may even get something more adult in your bag.

Just always remember this phrase. Just because you get older, doesn't mean you need to grow up. Enjoy life and live it as though every day was a new one.

Caino Shorts

2006-10-25T13:56:00.000-05:00

Not everything that happens during a shift is worthy of a full blog post so here are a few highlights.

In less than 5 hands a player cleared a blackjack table by doing everything wrong and winning. Once he had the table to himself, started playing "by the book." That's when he started losing.
A player hadn't visited the casino in some time. After talking to her about some of the changes that had occurred, she asked me what happened to the Roulette table. While we were standing next to the Roulette table.
A player sat down at Three Card Poker and started playing. After a few hands the dealer stated that she had a flush. The player asked how that could be since she only had three cards. When the dealer told him that it was Three Card Poker, and only three cards were needed to make the flush he looked a little surprised. "Oh, I've thrown three or four of those away."
A dealer spinning the ball on Roulette lost his grip and accidentally toss the ball out of the wheel. The ball bounced off of a metal cup holder, skipped off the back of a chair, and landed in the jacket pocket of a lady sitting at the next table.
Near the end of a long, busy shift I was aware that another dealer was overdue for a break as a crew of fresh dealers entered the pit. Since I was the only other person able to deal the game that the tired dealer was on, I volunteered to relieve him. I cleared my hands and proceeded towards the other table. Without realizing there was no dealer behind me to take over my table.

Honestly, I could have sworn there was another dealer to cover my table so I could relieve the other dealer. Fortunately the pit boss was quick on her toes and stepped up to the table before anyone could take advantage of the open chip tray.

Of Mice and Men

2006-10-22T15:16:00.000-05:00

Some people wouldn't get the hint if you nailed it to a 2x4 and whapped them upside the head with it. I mean, how many times do you need to smash someone's head into a brick wall before they stop putting themselves in your hands. Even cute little lab mice have the sense to stop pushing the red button after they have been shocked a few times.

Over the last week I have seen a number of people losing money over and over again and again. After losing all their chips in a small number of hands, they pull out more money and get more chips. Only to lose them just as fast, if not faster.

I can understand the desire to attempt to gain back money lost. But spending $300-$400 to try and get back the first $100 lost seems a little ridiculous to me. Even Wile E. Coyote has better odds chasing that silly bird.

Most people do win now and then and offset their marathon losses. It's the true masochists that come back night after night padding the casino's profit margin. I do feel kind of bad for them as they hand over another stack of bills, putting their total losses at over $10,000 for the week. I also feel a little pity for them after taking so much time from them that could have been better spent doing something more productive. Like watching paint dry or teaching monkeys to type. My guilt and pity are overridden by the fact they are keeping my paycheck from bouncing.

It's Unlucky To Be Superstitious

2006-10-18T16:32:00.000-05:00

Here we are, in the month of October. Friday the 13th has come and gone, Halloween is fast approaching. What better time to talk about some of the more colorful (and plain stupid) superstitions out there?

Now and then I get the chance to watch players on slot machines and the rituals they go through to try and bring a little more luck their way. Some tap the reels in a given sequence, others gesture to the reels how they would like them to line up on the next spin. The most interesting ones are the ones that push the buttons in an order that must have been beamed to them from space. Because no human mind could ever be bored enough to devise such a long, monotonous series of moves.

Press the "Bet One Credit" button three times, then the "Spin" button. Do this for three spins. Press the "Bet One Credit" button three times, then the "Bet Max & Spin" button. Do this for three spins. Press the "Bet Max & Spin" button for three spins. Press the "Bet One Credit" button three times and pull the handle. Do this for three spins. Repeat entire sequence until broke.

As mindless as this seems, it looks to be a fairly popular method for feeding the machines. But there are some superstitions on tables that are just as senseless.

Some people seem to think the cocktail waitress is a bad omen. I have seen entire craps tables stop as one walked by. The delay is usually even longer if she is delivering drinks. On the faces of some players you can see the battle between the happiness the waitress delivers and the bad luck she heralds.

A few blackjack players get upset when someone buys in during the middle of a shoe, even if the new player doesn't play. Just their arrival and the delay due to the changing of cash for chips seems to change the cards for the worse. Even though the cards aren't touched during the process, they miraculously move themselves around to make things worse for the current players.

The most unique (oddball) superstition I ever encountered was practiced by just one player. Near the craps table that Mr. Unlucky liked to play was a bank of "Wheel of Fortune" slot machines. These machines would periodically call out "Wheel! Of! Foorrrtune!!!" in an attempt to draw players. If Mr. Unlucky was shooting the dice, he would actually put them down and wait till the machines' announcement was over before rolling. It was his insistence that the paging by the machines forced the dice to land on 7.

Maintained Stupidity

2006-10-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

I don't mind a lack of intelligence or knowledge when encountering something new. It's when someone insists on refusing to learn despite my repeated attempts to show them the same thing over and over (and over and over and over..........).

Sometimes this is caused by attempting to enhance brain cells with alcohol. An attempt that fails far too often. However, given the number of people that make the attempt, you'd think there are public service announcements touting the method.

Late one night a group of guys came into the casino after visiting a few bars around town. One of the group had never played craps before and the others decided to educate him. It seemed like a good idea if one doesn't consider that the majority could barely spell craps, much less play it.

The Booze Crew stepped up to the empty craps tub and bought in. With each throwing down a $20 bill, that didn't take long. As play started one guy bet a simple "C and E." The bet lost that roll. Two rolls later Rookie Boy asks, "What is a 'C and E?'"

I politely answer "It's a one-roll bet on Craps and Eleven" without missing a beat or blinking an eye.

The dice continued to roll without much excitement. The monotonous pattern of roll, call number, pay a bet or 2, slide the dice, roll..... continued for a time. The only break was the total stop of all action to take care of the cocktail waitress.

It would have been a typical game if not for the fact that every comeout roll someone would bet a "C and E," and, two rolls later, Rookie Boy would ask what the bet was. This lead to him asking the question more than five times in the ten minutes they were on my table before I went to break.

When I walked back into the pit after my break I (very happily) saw that the entire Booze Crew have moved to a blackjack table with a simple side bet. I did pity the blackjack dealer each time someone hit that side bet and I overheard Rookie Boy ask, "How does this bet work?"

Surprise, surprise?

2006-10-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

Some people are just full of surprises. You never know what someone is going to get upset about until it happens. It's really surprising when a person is upset by something that would make most people glad.

Not every casino uses the large craps tables most people encounter. Some casinos use a smaller table called a "tub." A tub is usually run by one or two dealers instead of the four used by a larger table. However, the smaller size of the table limits the number of players that can give their money to the casino.

The tub that I dealt on had 8 seats around it for 8 players and players had to be seated to play. The number of players was limited to allow a single dealer to maintain control of the game. Some people seemed to think this limit didn't apply to them though.

One afternoon I had a full table and everyone was betting rather heavy. No large dollar bets, just lots and lots of small to medium sized bets. In the middle of a particularly good roll a gentleman steps up to the table and attempts to buy in. I politely informed him that, due to the size of the table, he had to be seated to play. Without a pause he turned to a nearby slot machine, grabbed a chair, pushed two current players out of his way, and sat down.

At the very second his butt hit the mis-appropriated chair I knew this guy would take a little work before he got the clue. Without pausing the dice in the least I informed him that the table was full and he would be unable to play until a position opened up for him. He apparently failed to hear me as he proceeded to dig a handful of bills and change out of his pocket.

As I moved the dice to the shooter for the next roll the gentleman placed his money on the Pass Line and stated "Money plays." Anticipating this move I quickly called "No bet" as the dice tumbled through the air.

As Murphy's Casino Law dictates a 7 rolled, causing everyone to lose their bets. Everyone except the guy that required an engraved stone slab falling on him to get the hint. As I picked up all the chips I passed over his money without a glance.

Most people would take this as good thing. He did not. This guy actually asked me why I didn't take his money, and required a supervisor to be called over to explain the situation to him. He actually complained about NOT losing his money.

Maybe next time he should just mail his money in and save everyone a few headaches.

Casino Guarantee

2006-10-04T13:14:00.000-05:00

The main draw of casinos is the idea that a person will make a lot of money with very little effort. If casinos were in the business of actually giving away money, would there be so many of them? Now, don't get me wrong. Many people win some hefty jackpots in casinos. Most progressive jackpots grow with the losses of other players though. So in that case the casino is acting more like a redistribution center than actually giving the money away.

For some reason a percentage of casino customers (99% to be exact) think that the casino owes them personally. I don't know how many times a day I hear that someone is "due" or "overdue" for a big payoff. A casino is not a library or other lending institution. Things are not "due" to happen. You can't collect on an "overdue" bet payoff.

Basically, if you have lost ten straight hands of blackjack, you are NOT due to win the next hand. If the last four spins on roulette have landed on red numbers, black is NOT due to hit the next spin. Just because the dice have been passed around the craps table twice without a single front line winner, it does NOT mean that the table is overdue for a winner.

If you have been losing consistently for a considerable length of time, just GET UP. You can always return another day when your luck could be better. You might not win on the second day either, but at least you'll have gas money/cab fare.

There is only one guarantee I can give you regarding casinos. I guarantee the casino won't take any more money than you give them.

Know when to walk away, know when to run.

2006-10-02T02:21:00.000-05:00

Kenny Rogers had it right in his song. The biggest money maker for casinos is the tendency of people to give back their winnings. And then some. Casinos don't intentionally make winners stay till they lose, it's just a matter of the human condition to want more.

The fact that all casino games are designed for the player to lose over time escapes most players. If a game was meant to give the players a tremendous edge and pay them lots of money, it wouldn't be on the casino floor. Even if someone manages to win a hefty amount, the longer they keep playing the more they will give back.

Intellegent gamblers will know when to get up from the table with their chips and head to the cage. However, the other 99% keep playing, waiting for lightning to strike again.

Once they have lost all their profit these gamblers proceed to pull out more money in an attempt to get back what they just gave up. The most impatient of these complain how they can never win, despite having doubled their money just minutes ago.

There is an old saying that nobody really leaves a casino a winner. No matter how much one wins they have either lost more than that amount on previous visits, or give back that much more on later visits.

I Saw the Sign

2006-09-27T18:55:00.000-05:00

After several years in the casino business I have noticed a couple of signs that, maybe, I have been doing this a little too long.

One definite sign is observing the way casino games are shown on TV and in movies. Another sign is the tendency to add number sequences up automatically. I don't know how many times I've looked at my power bill and mentally said "21, dealer wins." It's looking at the phone bill and busting every time that gets annoying.

The biggest sign of extended time spent working under all the regulations casinos have in place is the tendency to clear my hands without thinking about it. Just imagine the looks at the drive-through window when you hand over the money, then clear your hand as you pull it back into the car.

The absolute worst is when I cleared my hand at the most inappropriate time. My wedding. That's right, when I handed the pastor the ring, I cleared my hand afterward. My dad, being a supervisor in a casino, noticed it and started laughing. My mom, being someone who has never worked for a casino, had to ask what was so funny.

My biggest fear is that I will get a job in the executive field some day and periodically shuffle my business cards for no reason.

Brains in a Bottle, part 2

2006-09-24T14:43:00.000-05:00

With the repeating role drinking plays in gambling I felt no guilt about using it as a repeating theme for my posts.

Some people think they get better with more alcohol. Others just become a lot less aware of their surroundings. They miss simple signs and (less than) subtle clues that something may not be as it should be.

One such individual was playing blackjack with a few (hundred) under his belt. While his play style was close to what most people might consider normal, his fine motor skills were rather lacking. His chips were piled more than stacked. If it weren't for the straw allowing him to reach down to his drink he probably would have been wearing more than he was drinking.

The major sign of his lack of awareness came when the dealer shuffled her six deck shoe. Mr. Genius decided to play a little roulette. He strolled (staggered) the distance between the blackjack table and the roulette table. The roulette table that was right next to the blackjack table he was currently playing on.

Mr. Genius then placed a $5 chip on Red and patiently for the ball to be spun. He didn't notice a couple things about the table however. Things like cover was on the wheel. The lid was over the chips and had been secured and locked. There was no dealer at the table. There was nobody within five feet of the table but him. The table had been closed for nearly an hour.

Yet there he stood, patiently waiting for something to happen. Until a pit boss took pity on him and stepped over to inform him the table was closed. About then the blackjack dealer finished shuffling her cards so Mr. Genius went (barely) back to his game and continued playing.

Brains in a bottle.

2006-09-18T03:17:00.000-05:00

I realize the last couple posts have been a little heavy on the links. New toy, had to play with it a lot. No links this post, I promise.

It seems that smoking, drinking, and gambling go hand in hand in hand. Not that everyone in a casino does all three, but enough people do that one wonders why more doctors don't have express shuttles to their front doors.

It's amazing how many people seem to think alcohol consumption makes them a better person. They like to think that the 6-pack they belted down before heading to the casino imbued them with the power to outsmart even Stephen Hawking.

What surprises me is how surprised they are when they lose. They form a sure fire technique that any fool (except them) can follow. One guy, we'll call Bud, had one such technique that I have never been able to figure out, even when drunk myself.

The first part of Bud's technique was to play on as many tables as possible. He dragged his wife from table to table in an attempt to find one they would lose less on than the others. This included attempting to play blackjack on a poker-style game.

The crux of this particular method of drunken gambling appeared to be making the absolute worst possible decisions.

The happy (very intoxicated) couple walked up to a nearly full table and placed their bets. Bud bet $10. Mrs. Bud bet $45. The dealer turned up a 9. He waved his hand to signal that he wanted to stay on his 14. To the surprise and disappointment of the other players he then instructed his wife to hit her 18. Over and over. She drew a 6 and busted.

The dealer turned up her 19 and paid the smarter (more sober) players before taking Bud's money. The entire time Bud had a stupid grin on his face. As though losing $55 was entirely a part of his plan.

Mr. and Mrs. Bud continued to move from table to table until they had played on (donated to) every game we had. I honestly don't know who's brain was more pickled. His for the obviously poor game strategy. Or her for playing his very flawed method.

Gambling in Hollywood

2006-09-16T13:38:00.000-05:00

These days it seems like everyone is getting into the gambling racket. Even Hollywood. Just about every series does a Las Vegas episode. Those that don't pretend to be in Vegas that is.

With more and more casinos sprouting up across the nation more people are learning how tables games are supposed to be operated. It would seem that Hollywood might work harder to be accurate with their gaming related shows and movies. But still many glaringly obvious errors appear.

A clear mistake is the entire premise behind Oceans Eleven. The idea that three casinos would share one vault is ridiculous. Especially three casinos placed so far apart as to make sharing that vault a logistical nightmare. Besides that there is the accounting difficulties of tracking the money and chips used by three major casinos in and out of one place. Three casinos, one vault (with one door?) just doesn't happen.

An episode of Monk on USA featured the over-phobic detective in Vegas to solve a murder. While there he plays a little blackjack. Anyone who has spent more than an hour inside a real casino would spot a few mistakes in how the game is dealt. The cards are delivered backwards and placed so close together that they are unreadable to anyone without their nose on the table itself.

Now I don't expect everyone not trained to deal blackjack to get it 100% correct. The thing that gets me is the point when Monk is winning and the casino owner steps up to the table and decides to change things around. He stops the game in the middle of a multi-deck shoe and adds 2 more decks. I don't know of a casino anywhere that would change the number of decks on a table on the spur of the moment. Much less a casino owner that would be bothered enough by a single player to personally do it.

I do feel the need to give a little credit to the producers of Law & Order: Criminal Intent for a recent episode that featured a card counting team. What little blackjack I saw dealt was fairly accurate.

However, their craps knowledge could use some(lots) of expanding. In the background of one scene is a full sized craps with two people on it. One stickman standing in the boxperson's position and a player shooting from the stickman's position. No actual boxperson, no base dealers to pay the player while the stickperson secures the dice. Just the player and the stickman.

If anyone from Hollywood wants to hire a consultant and start getting some of these things accurate, feel free to drop me a line.

Criminal Intelligence?

2006-09-13T18:46:00.000-05:00

A few years ago a book was published called Breaking Vegas that documented the actions of a team of card counters from MIT that took Las Vegas for millions of dollars. Casinos have changed their procedures and awareness of card counters since. Apparently some people have read the book and decided they could do it as well as a group of genius MIT students.

There were a couple of gentlemen that walked into the casino and made themselves at home. One sat down at a table and started playing in a manner to avoid being noticed. The other gentleman started casually strolling around, carefully eyeing each table he passed by. They were doing their best to not be noticed. However, they were as subtle as a ton of bricks. Red Flag #1.

After some time a pit boss noticed what was happening and decided to take a preemptive strike. A security guard stepped up to one of the guys and asked him for his ID. He replied that he had been carded already and shouldn't be required to show it again. Red Flag #2.

Now the pit boss stepped in and informed him that he was being backed off blackjack. He could play any other game he wanted. Craps, roulette, any poker style game was allowed. Just no more blackjack. When the guy asked why, the pit boss replied with the one comment we all itch to use. "Because I can."

While all this is going on gentleman number two has been pulled aside to the security booth and asked a few questions. One was whether or not he knew the guy being talked to at the tables. Obviously he said no. Despite the fact they had walked in together, he said he hadn't seen the other guy before. Red Flag #3 (possibly).

After some more discussion both gentlemen decide to leave. Upon exiting the doors one turns left and one turns right, each heading the opposite direction of the other. Only to meet each other at the same car and drive off. Red Flag #3 (most definitely).

Shooting oneself in the foot

2006-09-10T14:58:00.000-05:00

Some people are too stubborn for their own good. For example look at craps players. For a better example look at craps players that believe in setting the dice before they throw them. For the best example look at players who set the dice and still shoot like... well, like crap.

There are a number of sources that say a craps player should set the dice. One such player has even discussed with me the (severe lack of) advantages to setting the dice as he carefully set the dice, aimed, and threw another losing 7.

This player, we'll call Alex, is a regular sight at the craps table. Usually pulling out more money to give to the casino. There are times (very rarely) when Alex does win. If someone else is shooting the dice.

When Alex shoots the dice he takes much care (and more time) to set the dice in a precise manner. He turns them. He turns them over. He grasps them carefully and tosses them at a precise point down the table. The dice tumble a little bit. They stop with a 5 and a 2 on top. The dealers start picking up all the bets.

Alex's wife is one of the better shooters I've seen. She doesn't set the dice as he does. One would think he would read the writing on the wall and try a different shooting technique. Maybe he's waiting for the movie.

Blind Man's Bluff

2006-09-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

There are many table games that don't require a lot of thought. For the most part these games can be played blind, without a player ever looking at their cards. Blackjack, however, is not one of those games.

One afternoon I was dealing a double-deck blackjack game. The cards were pitched to the players face down, requiring a player to pick their cards up look at them. I watched the players as they played hand after hand. After a little bit I noticed one player was not asking for hits at all and staying on some pretty unusual hands, including a 6. Not an Ace-5 that could be played as 16, but a 4-2. A 6, a whole 6, and nothing but a 6.

Keeping a slightly close eye on Mr 6 for the next few hands I noticed he wasn't bothering to look at his cards at all. He wasn't asking for hits because he had no clue what his hand was until I turned it over to compare with my own.

Honestly, I'd expect someone behaving like this to be reeking of the alcohol streaming out of their pores. Mr 6 though was drinking only water. Served in plastic bottles by the waitress so it couldn't be confused with one of the many clear, strong, hard liquors.

To my dying day I don't think I will understand why he played with that particular technique. Or how he managed to win doing it for that matter.

Royalty

2006-09-03T17:14:00.000-05:00

There are many sources for a lack of intelligence. One of the worst is just plain arrogance. Arrogance that one knows it all and doesn't need to listen to anyone else. Arrogance that you won't make a mistake, and if you do it's really a mistake someone else made.

That kind of arrogance is acceptable (barely tolerable) from one person. However when that arrogance breeds and spreads to an entire family it becomes something that no jury would convict a person for removing from the gene pool.

For this post I will call the family I refer to the Royal Family. So named because they are a royal pain. In the back, in the neck, in the....Wherever else you get royal pains.

The Royal Family has a tendency to strut into the casino at the worst of times. They enter shortly before closing time (yes, some casinos do close) and want to play a game that has already been shut down. Even when they decide to lower themselves to actually playing an open game, they want the rules altered to their advantage.

It's really bad when Mama Royal is playing a game while Daddy Royal stands behind her telling her what to do and BigSis and MiddleSis Royal chatter away like a couple swarms of cicadas buzzing on a warm spring afternoon.

It gets worse when a bet hits that wasn't there in the first place. Then the entire clan flocks in to start henpecking the poor dealer to pay Mama Royal for a bet she had either never placed or had lost earlier and didn't deign to replace.

The absolute worst was one night I was dealing to Mama Royal and all three Sisters on a blackjack-style game. As part of the casino's nightly closing (and again, yes, some casinos do close) procedures an announcement is broadcast over the PA system that it is time for the last 3 hands of blackjack to be dealt.

Upon hearing the announcement I informed the entire table that there were 3 hands left in the night. After a (surprisingly) quiet 3 hands I told the entire table (the Royals being the only ones there) that the game was over for the night.

"Can't you deal just one more hand?"
"Just one more hand, you have plenty of cards left."
"There's lots of time left till closing, you can deal one more hand."

Apparently they didn't think a lowly dealer citing state gaming regulations had enough clout to stop them from gambling. They started calling my floor supervisor over and nagging him to make me deal one more hand.

The lady Royals spent so much time sending their daggerish voices flying at my supervisor and me that they didn't have time to cash in their chips before the casino closed and had to come back the next day to get their money. Adding the cost of fuel to the meager losses they had already endured.

Oops!

2006-08-30T13:20:00.000-05:00

Casino gamers aren't the only ones that occasionally demonstrate a lack of functioning brain cells. On occasion dealers can make a mistake or two (have a complete brain fart).

There are many reasons why these mistakes can happen. A dealer may be new and not have the confidence in themselves to get everything right. Or they may be on some particularly strong cold medicine. Then there are those that seem to be incapable of counting over 11 with their shoes on. Watching the last group are what keeps the suicide rate so high among table games supervisors.

One person in particular comes to my mind when I think about dealers who may have been lacking all the necessary skills (surprised then could walk and breathe at the same time) for the job. To protect her identity, and me from a lawsuit, let's call her Greta.

Most casino poker-style games are relatively simple. The payoff odds are printed on the table or a sign real handy to look at. The bets are usually fairly straight forward. It's not like Blackjack where a dealer may have to figure a 3:2 payoff when a player has $37.50 bet and hits a blackjack ($56.25). You can imagine my surprise when Greta pulled out a cheat sheet to figure out a payoff. I don't mean to see what the payoff odds should be, I mean she had to look to see how much money to give the player. Given that the payoff odds were 40:1 and the bet was $10, a Junior High student could have figured the $400 payoff.

Greta's problems extended past her questionable math skills. A number of poker-style games use automatic shuffle machines. The dealer simply puts the cards in the machine and take the shuffled, seperated, and pre-dealt cards from the front of the machine and places them in front of the players. Then the dealer looks at the players' hands, pays them (or not), and puts the cards back in the machine.

Apparently these simple tasks were beyond Greta. She forgot to take care of someone's cards. Not once, or even twice. She forgot four times. In one hour. One time she didn't realize her mistake until the entire next hand had been dealt out and she saw a player had too many cards. It was the player in the first position. She had dealt to them then four more players before she saw the extra cards.

I wish Greta lots of luck in her new chosen profession, whatever it may be. Hopefully it's something that doesn't require vast amounts of thought or mental power. Possibly something in the flower arranging field. Or maybe as a Presidential advisor for the Department of the Interior.

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

2006-08-27T17:54:00.000-05:00

This is hopefully the only double update I will do, but this story is too important to leave till Wednesday. If you want to read a regular post, feel free to scroll down.

I was made aware of this upcoming move by Steve Wynn. It is something that should make every dealer in every casino in the country mad, or at least nervous.

I'll wait a minute while you read the article......

http://klastv.com/Global/story.asp?s=5316119

Done yet? Ok, I'll wait another minute........

My biggest concern about the idea is obviously the tip money earned by dealers being taken from them. The three lowest paid jobs in a casino are generally the cocktail waitresses, the bartenders, and the dealers. Casinos tend to pay those employees little because of the amount of tips they earn.

My second biggest concern about the whole idea is the fact that supervisors would now have a vested interest in the amount tips dropped by dealers. It is something that could effect their decisions should a problem or mistake arise.

There are a number of incentives that can be given to supervisors that would make the position attractive without taking hard-earned money from dealers. Things like annual bonuses, extra holidays, stock options, or other bonuses.

I ask all you hard working readers out there to contact Steve Wynn and impress on him how truly moronic his idea is.

Casino Secret Techique

2006-08-27T12:31:00.000-05:00

There are many conspiracy theories in this world. The fake moon landing. The Kennedy assassination. The Illuminati Society. Quentin Tarrantino movies.

Some theories are just too strange for even the supermarket tabloids. And most of those seem to relate to casino operations. One such theory was mentioned to me on the craps table by a very intellegent (stinking drunk) individual.

It was this gentleman's heartfelt belief that all craps games were rigged and technology was used to make the dice land on whatever number the casino wanted. While the result is commonly believed, it's the technique that he mentioned that was truly unique.

According to this learned individual (complete moron) the dice contained small microchips that could alter the result of a roll at the whim of casino management. The reason all craps tables have mirrors on them is so a laser beam signal can be reflected to the microchips in the dice instructing them how to land.

Apparently he had some inside source to get all this information. After explaining the method casinos used to cheat on craps (while playing the game) he insisted that Geraldo had discovered the secret and the gaming industry was paying billions of dollars a year to keep the story out of the mainstream media.

Gee, I hope the CIA doesn't start beaming signals into my brain for publishing this.

Road to Ruin?

2006-08-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

Now I'm sure that many of the people that enter a casino and sit down to play table games have perfectly average IQ's. However, something seems to significantly lower that IQ once they pass through those doors and get a view of all the potential winnings (obvious losses) they can rack up.

The exact cause of this could be one of many things. A minor hypnotic effect from all the neon and flashing lights. The electro-magnetic field from all the slot machines interfering with the proper firing of neurons in the brain. Mass infusions of alchohol. Who's to know what the exact cause may be.

I don't mean that every person that enters a casino experiences a diminishing of brain cells. Just the vast majority of people do. From those that think they have come up with the perfect strategy to win every time to those who are entering a casino for the first time and think that everything should be handed over to them for just showing up.

With casinos all over the country people like these can be found anywhere. Just as each part of the country has it's own flavor and personality, so do the unique (moronic) people that decide to become casino patrons. I witnessed a woman being unique in a way that is special to the state I work in now.

The state legalized gambling and earmarked the taxes casinos pay for schools. Apparently this woman thought the little casino I work for should be able to tell the state legislature how to better spend their money. After entering the casino, without playing a single cent in a machine or on a table, she demanded to see a manager. When the Casino Shift Manager approached her she began to yell at him about the condition of the roads.

Apparently her husband was a truck driver and it was her opinion that the roads here were some of the worst in the country. Somehow the idea wormed into her head (musta been lonely there) that berating a single casino manager would get the government types to reconsider and begin fixing all the roads for her husband.

After talking at the manager for a number of minutes it finally became obvious to her that she wasn't going to accomplish anything. So, as she storms out the door, she turns on the little change light on each machine she passes by.

I'm not what her goal was, but turning on those lights certainly didn't make her appear any brighter.

Maybe there's hope yet, last week the state announced that it would be improving the condition of the roads.

Greetings and Salutations.

2006-08-20T14:59:00.000-05:00

Hello all you blog readers out there. Thought I'd finally join the 21st century and get myself in this whole digital thing.

Just a little bit about me. I have been working as a casino dealer for 7 years now, mostly in small casinos. This blog will be mostly about some of the less intelligent (really stupid) people I have encountered during my time in the wonderful (really, really ugly) gaming industry.

For my first post I will explain a couple points of table games etiquette.

If you're going to be considerate enough to ask other players at the table if they mind you smoking, it's still rude to blow the smoke in the dealer's face.
If you have been playing at the same table for a couple of hours, enjoying yourself, and are about even, tipping the dealer would be a good thing.
If you have been winning and are ahead by a considerable amount, giving the cocktail waitress a $25 or more tip without tipping the dealer first is considered very rude. It is a great way to make certain you won't have any more chips to tip the waitress with.
Doubling your money in 30 minutes and losing it back in the next hour and a half does not mean the dealer hates you and only wants your money. It just means you hate your money and want to give it to the dealer.
Buying in for $20 and playing 2 hands on the cheapest table in the casino does not earn you a comp for you and your 5 friends to the $14.99 dinner buffet.

I think that is enough etiquette for now, next time I will probably bring you an example or two of the average IQ of casino table games players.